CAIRO, EGYPT –
State of the art imaging tools used to scan subterranean passages in the Sinai Peninsula yielded an amazing discovery last month as a team of scientists uncovered what appears to be several hieroglyphics depicting actor, director and producer Danny DeVito.
The Ancient Court Of Padyspub II
The stone carvings, part of the tomb of Pharaoh Padyspub II, who ruled briefly during the 3rd century BC, gave archeologists a glimpse into a little known period when humor was in ascendance in the Egyptian court.
“Although the appearance of the figure of Danny Devito in the scenes is a mystery, we can see from the inscriptions that he was a humorous character, full of pranks,” said Alton Montavier, Professor at the British Royals Museum.
“For instance, on one panel, located across from the Pharaoh’s sarcophagus, he is shown playing the common Egyptian trick ‘smell my water lilly”.
In the carving, water can be seen spraying over the face of the Pharaoh who is smiling.
“Typically an Egyptian would have been put to death immediately after such an act,” said Professor Montavier. “So, clearly, we can see the Danny DeVito figure had special privileges in the society.”
Precursor To Ancient God Bes
Pharaoh Padyspub II was an eccentric ruler who enjoyed laughing, and made frequent offerings to the Egyptian god Bes, a god associated with sexuality, humour, and often pictured as a fat bearded dwarf.
“There is definitely a resemblance between Bes and the Danny DeVito figure,” said Egyptologist Ludi Palma, who headed up the excavation. “It’s possible that he was an early expression of the god in Egypt during this period. We see in his depiction many of the humorous traits later associated with Bes: pronounced bow legs, shaking a rattle, and sticking out his tongue.”
Food Memes Also Discovered
Another interesting finding in the tomb was the use of early food memes by the Egyptians. “Food memes have been found in many cultures, but never before have we seen such an early example.”
“The first known food meme was of an image of the face of King Henry The Eighth on a plate of haggis, woven into a 16th century tapestry,” said Professor Palma.
“But here we have the head of Danny DeVito being served along with more extravagant fare fit for a Pharaoh. This seems to indicate that Danny DeVito, if consumed, would bring the Pharaoh good health or special powers.”
Research Continues
While Egyptologists have much work to do to answer the question of why Danny DeVito was found in the ancient etchings, some theories have been proposed.
“The most likely explanation is that present-day Danny DeVito is descended from the figure we see in the carvings. His ancestors could have migrated to Europe from Egypt during the corn famine of the 2nd century. This would explain the striking physical resemblance, and Danny DeVito’s knack for comedy.”
“However, it’s also possible that the figure was a member of a race of extremely funny aliens who happened to visit the planet during the reign of Padyspub II. In this theory, modern-day Danny DeVito would be an alien that crash-landed somewhere in New Jersey during the 1970s, and fell into acting as a means to support himself in New York.”
“Both theories are valid at this point,” said Professor Palma. “But personally, I’m pulling for alien. It just seems to make more sense.”
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